Kid Tested, Mother-disapproved!

As I wander through life, I've come to accept the fact that I have memory issues. It's not an easy road to follow, as I can't remember the directions to wherever I'm heading. And, in the chance instant that I actually arrive in the appropriate location, I can't remember why I am supposed to be there. I've blamed it on using too much space to store mostly useless information, like every phone number I've had, and every phone number I've ever dialed. Or thought about dialing. Or saw someone else dialing.

But what was I saying?

Oh, my memory!

Just this week I realized the true cause. Growing up, I ingested enormous amounts of cleaners. By the bowlful, and with a spoon. I'm not exactly sure when my desire for this concoction first reared its ugly head. I can remember being five years old, at the earliest. A glorious cleaning agent, also a degreaser, a known fertilizer that has caused algae blooms if allowed to flow into bodies of water... it was one of my favorite treats.

And I have to admit, it's because I fed it to my dog that this all came into the light. You see, I've also been feeding it to my kids. And the other day, during breakfast, some of this glorious substance spilled onto the floor. Before it could be cleaned up, my dog was into it. And he went from puppy-happy, to crack-happy. And with every bite, it was another burst of energy, like he was on a high from the tiniest amount. My dog became a whirlwind of uncontrollable impulses, crashing several moments later into a deep sleep. It was like a super drug, causing me to ask myself, "What am I doing?".

So, beware. I have a feeling trisodium phosphate is everywhere. It's in your local hardware stores. It's in your grocery stores, for sure. And it may already be in your cupboards. In the meantime, I'm going to think twice before buying Kix.