once upon a time...

I used to blog often, remember those days? There goes jakz, posting another plea to read her blog on her myspace status... the blog you remember, but what is myspace? I have no idea.

Every time I lacked an idea, I'd send up a quick, desperate prayer and hope that something would inspire me. That usually ended up with me beating a hobo to death in my backyard. True story, but you know this because you read that blog already, right?


Or even better, it would end with me having my debit card info stolen by someone evil.


I forgive you if you haven't read any previous posts, and will give you the benefit of the doubt, for now that perhaps you didn't know it existed. But since you're here, no excuses! Go read! Go find more reasons to question my sanity!

And now for some filler content I'll post ten random facts from my life (technically they should be referred to as "thoughts about nothing").

10. I once had a rattle snake on my foot. I like snakes, but that was definitely a closer encounter than I would've preferred. After I survived the ordeal, I did something I don't recall doing ever since... screaming like a girl.

9. I recently found out I'm not the only person in the world who, when eating crackers, chips, pretzels, etc. always eats the broken pieces first. The world feels more complete knowing I'm not the only one with this kind of OCD rule.

8. One of my favorite childhood, school-related memories repulses many people. In science class when I was about 6 or 7, my teacher brought in owl pellets. Then she gave us the best task ever, even better than dissecting a locust! She told us to start taking apart the pellets and searching for the bones inside. Then we had to reassemble the little skeletons and try and figure what creature the owl ate. Mine was a vole. It was a happy day.

7. When I was in 8th grade I could bench press 120 pounds.

6. I hate swimming.

5. I hate snow more than I hate swimming. There are different levels of hate. I should've probably said, "I loathe swimming." and then said something along the lines of, "I highly disdain snow.".

4. I miss getting gold stars on my writing assignments and spelling tests. #yesiknowhowcompletelynerdythatsounds

3. I can remember crashing my tricycle when I was either 2 or 3 years old. I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday. Sometimes I contemplate if the crash might be related to the memory issue.

2. You're still reading this?! My apologies!

1. You deserve a prize for enduring this long and making it to the end of the blog... I'm thinking this would be a good reward.

Life's Great Annoyances...

I'd like to think I'm an easy going person. If I believed that though, it would probably just prove even more how much I like to live in denial. It's not that I think I'm high-strung, I try to leave that lifestyle to my dog. It's that I have a growing, great list of annoyances.

Yes, we all get annoyed, I have no doubt of that. I think I tend to take things a step further, and never let go of these issues. Granted, I'm only now at the point in my life where I realize this and will publicly admit it ("publicly" being on my blog that has a *ahem* select [promounced "small"] readership??)...

My annoyances tend to be like that popcorn kernal that gets stuck between your teeth... If there is no relief in sight (I don't carry floss in my pocket), the agony is prolonged and obsessed about until it's finally removed. True agony.

So what of the annoyances in life that can't be eventually removed with floss, or remedied some other way? I'm talking of offenses such as people who think sports bras are actual shirts, or that the word "creek" should be pronounced "crick", bad music played in stores, the mullet, bad dental hygeine, crickets, ants, close-talkers, tailgaters, or weather forcasters in general. (this is just a light list of my continual grievances)

But I realized today one of the great thorns in my side (my side being a virtual briar patch), is actually a global dilemma. There may be no remedy, and people may never understand. But it may actually aggrivate me more than my son placing a cricket on my back in Home Depot(correctly pronounced "creek-eht").

This is a problem that has plagued me since my childhood, no less! I have vivid memories of literally squirming in disgust at the sight...

I absolutely cannot stand peanut butter cookies made with cross-hatch marks.

There is no logical explanation for this issue of mine. None. And there are many reasons as to why it's done to begin with, but none really mean much to me. No matter the cause, this has to be one of the grossest things to me ever.

So kindly world I ask for just a small change. It will simplify your life, really! One less item to clean, just press your pretty little cookies down with a spoon, or clean fingertips (or use a really cool cookie stamp?) Please, spare the forks the agony of tedious jobs like marking cookies. Please, don't cross those cookies ever again. Or in the very least effort possible, please don't share them with me.

pardon my lobster...

Unanswered questions may just be the bane of my existence. (That and maybe ants, clutter and all liars. And... well, let's not start that list!)

Recently, my mind has been contemplating the deeper issues in life. I've been placing myself in other people's shoes(at least in my mind, don't blame me if you can't find your Addidas), trying to gain more empathy for those around me.

Mostly, this just means I let my imagination run free for a couple of moments, and come back to reality with more issues than understanding.

Sometimes it brings up questions. Large questions, random questions, minute non-sensical questions... Primarily the latter. And even with all my wits about me, no matter how few they are, I cannot always come up with a resolution.


Here's a recent dilemma, and feel free to leave input in my comment section-

Suppose you really screwed up in life, did something ridiculous that is, by law, unpardonable. You find yourself on death row. Wasting away, day by day. Knowing eventually, your number will be up and it will be your turn in the chair. You know you're guilty, so you're not even holding out hope to be pardoned. You don't care anymore... finally, it's your turn. But before that fateful moment, as in all those glorified Hollywood flicks, you get to have your last meal. It's bittersweet, as you've only eaten gruel for years waiting for this moment, but this marks the end. And not to be cliche, but you request to have lobster for this crowning moment. Not because you like it, but because it's costly, because you've never had it. Maybe because it is symbolic of a better life you're saying goodbye to the opportunity of ever having. Your day is here. Your meal is here. You take a bite. Buttery, flavorful... You take another bite... soothing...until you start coughing. And coughing. And choking. Your airway constricts. It would figure you'd be allergic to shellfish, but not find out until it almost doesn't matter.

So therein lies the question; if you are hours away from your scheduled departure, will they make an effort/are they obligated to save you from this unintentional poisoning?

If they don't help, they'd be setting themselves up for legal problems right? But if they do help, isn't it a bit... odd?

You say this whole question and scenario is odd? I know. Your point is?

maybe it's because the sign was white...

It was just a moment, maybe a minute. But an hour later I still feel ill from it.

Eugene has a lot of people, on a lot of corners, all holding signs. Our neighborhood has quite a few regulars, they have their spot, and when you don't see them there, it just seems odd. Most of them are older, most of them look like they've had a rough life.

All of them have signs. Most are written on brown cardboard, all with something different portraying the same message; Help. Help me find work, help me find food, help me have more money, help yourself to heaven by giving me your change, help me have a beer... (Best sign ever was a sign that said, "Why lie? I just wanna beer!")

We have a man who faithfully decorates his 2' by 2' sign with Jesus-y bumper stickers. Around here, that may be an extra count against him.

I don't usually give money to these people, mostly because I rarely carry cash. But every time I see these faces I long to know their story. Countless times I've wanted to go park the car somewhere, walk to where they are on the corner and ask how they got where they were. Do they plan on their situation changing? Do they still have hope? What's their name?

But, I'll use excuses not to go, that it may be inappropriate. Sometimes I think of enlisting Todd in the expedition, but I'm not sure how he'd feel about that. Maybe I should ask.

Today was different. I had to run an errand with Traben while Creed was at school. We pulled up to a corner, third car back from the crosswalk, and there was a guy on the corner. He was different than a lot of the others. His complexion didn't scream of drug or alcohol abuse. He wasn't haggard looking like a vet. He was probably my age, & looked a little like someone I know. And his face didn't scream of a jaded view on life, but of brokenness, of shame.

He was holding a sign, not quite like all the others. A white sign. And it didn't have a whole list of things on it, there was no reference to being a vet, losing a job, having a failed business... It just said one word;

Hungry

And a million thoughts started running through my head- give him money, don't give him money... go buy him food, what would he want?...offer to give him a ride and go buy him food, probably not a safe idea...

And I can't figure out why I, in a moment of decision, couldn't decide. But I didn't do anything. Just half-smiled, and drove by when the light changed. But my smile disappeared as I realized who I was in that moment, and who I should be. And my heart broke.

How many times do we pass by people who just need a glimpse of hope, of the love of Jesus in action? How many times do we deny the fact that it could be us on the corner? How long until we realize, no matter how many awful decisions those people have made, they are still people? How many times will I continue to pass by?

I can't know what opportunity I missed. And I still don't know what's appropriate for me to do in all of these situations. I hear of people keeping snacks or power bars in their car, just for these moments...

I don't know. All I could think of was the verses in Matthew 25-

"42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' "


Today I didn't feed Jesus.