I've decided, as of tomorrow, I most likely will be cranky for a few days. I may be irritable, irrational and some other word that starts with "i". Perhaps I shall be impossible. Ill-tempered, if you will. And what is the cause of this? What could possibly happen that would make me act in such a way, a way that hardly is different from any other day?
I'm giving up one of my 'bad habits'.
Constantly inspecting and re-inspecting life has led me to believe I have room for improvement. I have not yet attained perfection, so I must assess myself regularly. Perhaps too regularly, most likely, not often enough. But auditing my present state of being is habitual. (Not that I will be curbing that proclivity any time soon!)
Where was I? Creating a preemptive apology for being cranky.
So, what possible tendency could I deny myself that would cause me to become so irascible? Is it possible that I could really become so incensed over the loss of one impulsion? And why should I even try to relieve myself of this dependence, if it's only going to cause extreme ire?
So many irritating inquiries!
Perhaps I am choosing to deny myself this impulse because the impulse itself is daily causing me to be infuriated. Constantly I find myself imprisoned in its influence. Irked by its idiosyncrasy. Irate by its irrationality. I... I... I am running out of words that start with the letter 'i'.
All of this to say, I'm sorry if I behave erratically (I really wish that word was spelled 'irratically', that sentence would've been far more fun). I may seem out of sorts, perhaps disconnected, but I will try to behave. And eventually, the fog may clear and I'll have the ability to think for myself again, without the influence of this awful inclination.
So today, I say adieu. Adios. Farewell. So long. Cheerio. Ciao. Hasta la vista. Godspeed. Sayonara. Arrivederci. May the road rise to meet you... I shall miss you, but over time, the separation will not seem so severe. Tomorrow as I ingest my morning coffee quota, I will try to ponder new things. New thoughts, new ideas, have new conversations with my kiddos. And I will not miss my daily newspaper. I will not! And I'll try not to misbehave out of frustration from breaking my insipid routine. Really. You don't believe me? Wanna make something of it?!